Mental Macerations

Today is the first day in a while that I have felt a bit introspective. A bit down. A bit dull and deprived.

Today is a day when I cannot pinpoint an exact reason for it, at least not without significant lies to myself.

Today is a day when I am spun about, craving people and running from their touch, all within a momentary glance.

Today, I stare at this monitor with the keen longing for something that I cannot put my finger to. I can reach out and feel its presence, to the point of determining the fabric beneath the pad of my forefinger and yet...its unreachably far away.

Today I am aware of how simply alone I am, much of my own making. My own making...it will be the death of me.

Today I am frigid, so frigid I can feel myself tighten around the small warm pieces left within my core, clinging to bits for warmth.

Today I visit the back of my eyelids often, perhaps hoping for that glimmer, that spark of something far greater than myself.

Today I am trolling through quote boards, mentally macerating over so many things that I need that outlet.

November 2011

We often notice people in their flashpoints of brilliance, in those superb moments. Do we hold them to that standard of brilliance? Is that really and truly who they are? We must not be blind to the reality of who they are at their lowest moments and if we still respect and appreciate them at that point, the point where everything in them falters...in that decumbent state, can we still love them? If we can, then we love them entirely and not just that ideal that we've created for them in our own minds - one that they never could fully fit.